Do the Ickey Shuffle on “Newlyweds”

Dear Nick Lachey,

Instead of writing articles in The Cincinnati Enquirer about your passion for Cincinnati sports teams, please think of your fans. They don’t want to read this:

Now, I find myself questioning some of those loyalties because of the recent developments involving the Reds and Bearcats. I’ve tried to complain to Jessica about it, but she doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about, so I’ve written this to assuage my frustration.

I doubt your fans have heard the word “assuage”, much less the definition. Because I’m nice, I will offer it to them here. I’m going to get more Google hits with your name so I’m offering this as a public service. Context makes a difference, so I hope most people can decipher the definition without the definition, but still. I’m here to serve. Behold and learn:

to make unpleasant feelings less strong

Really, though, would it be so hard for you to assuage your fans with what they want, which is a picture of your penis?

Thanks.

P.S. Your wife can’t sing. She should stop.