The early bird doesn’t get the “Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra”

I got a wonderful treat yesterday on my journey to work. Like every day, I rode Metro, America’s Subway Worst Mass Transit System&#153. As if up-close people-smelling-watching was insufficient, there’s occasionally a major bonus. I am, of course, speaking of The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153. That guy kicks ass.

I admit that my humor isn’t always completely politically correct. I laugh at Kim Jong-Il’s misappropriation of “R” and “L” in Team America: World Police. I laugh at the singing waiters at the end of A Christmas Story. It’s an easy stereotype, but funny is funny. The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153 is funny. He brings a smile to my face.

Even more than The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153, I’m amused by everyone else on the train. The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153 is the big pink elephant in the room that no one wants to admit to seeing. There is a guy breaking the morning monotony with an uninvited intrusion into our minds and everyone shifts into “stare at the floor and it’ll go away” mode. I love people-watching so much that I feel like my day has an unexpected sheen to it when I witness my fellow travellers enter this mode and avoid eye contact with The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153. It’s hilarious and stunning. Yesterday, no one disappointed me.

Taken in that context, today’s commute to work was the Christmas morning of uncomfortable denial. Two stops into my subway ride, The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153 stepped on and began his routine. I didn’t see this because I was sitting at one end with my back to the center of the train. I couldn’t see The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153 because he stands in the middle of the train. But I heard him when he let that first note fly. Damn, I thought. The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153 is singing and I can’t watch everyone be uncomfortable. In the next moment, I heard the joy go higher.

A woman behind me started screaming “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP, THERE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO READ! YOU’RE BEING VERY RUDE!” She screamed this for the next 2&#189 minutes. One-hundred-fifty spectacular “Oh my God, will this just end please” seconds. I put my book down and listened to the entire glorious debacle. I smiled my biggest Joker smile, so unabashed that I bordered on being rude. The only way this morning could’ve been better is if one of my fellow travellers had joined in the song. (Note to my fellow Washingtonians: try harder. One of you has this in you.)

I bet The Asian Guy Who Stands In The Middle Of The Train And Sings Religious Songs At The Top Of His Lungs&#153 is SO ronery when no one takes him seriousry.