He’s the full hot orator.

You might have noticed that I have a few topics that I like to rant about. One that I have not discussed here, but that is very important to me is taxes. I ramble about what tax policy should be and what taxes should be used for and the fairness of the tax code and all of those exciting ideas, but that’s not the tax issue most important to me. It’s something much simpler and, more importantly, indisputable. Allow me to repeat so that the point isn’t missed: INDISPUTABLE. For on this topic, unlike how accurate some believe my other opinions to be, I am 100% correct on this. And you know why? Because I learned the framework in college. And you know what’s in college? Books!

From mid-January until April 15th, I get more worked up than I should by people who look forward to receiving their tax refund from the IRS. This is the most egregious mistake that an American taxpayer can make because it’s so easy to fix the situation. When a taxpayer receives a tax refund from the IRS, that worker has actually given the federal government an interest-free loan. I can think of better ways to use my money than lending it interest-free to the federal government for up to fifteen months. Even a simple money market account is better than a loan to the government. Consider ING Direct, which offers a 2.35% return with no fees and no minimum investment. That’s not spectacular, but it’s better than the 0% the federal government offers.

There are basic rules for paying your estimated taxes during the course of the tax year. H&R Block offers this advice on their Income Tax Basics page under the section “Withholding your taxes“:

Ideally, the amount of income taxes you have withheld from your income is equal, or close to equal, the amount of taxes you will owe for the year. If too much is withheld, a refund may be appealing but remember that a refund has a hidden opportunity cost: Instead of you earning interest on your income, you’re making an interest-free loan to the IRS!

From a link on that page, H&R Block offers this definition of “opportunity cost”:

Opportunity cost is the sacrifice of benefits from the next-best alternative that you face when you make a financial or economic decision. For example, say you had $1,000 to invest. You could invest it in a stock mutual fund that might return 20% or more. If you make this investment decision, you sacrifice the opportunity to earn a lower rate of return on an investment that has no risk. This might be a CD or other fixed-term deposit that had a 6% rate of return. This 6% guaranteed return would be the opportunity cost of investing in the mutual fund instead.

H&R Block “gets” the message but ignores their responsibility to advise (potential) clients with the next few sentences from the “Withholding your taxes” section.

On the other hand, if too little is withheld and you’re not prepared to pay at tax time, you may be forced to draw on your savings or, worse, pay with a credit card. To the extent possible, you want to optimize your withholdings to equal your estimated tax liability.

In addition, the IRS may penalize you if you have too little withheld. You’re required to pay at least 90% of your estimated tax liability for the year by Jan. 15.

I’ve already offered the solution for not having enough funds to pay the remaining tax bill, so there is no excuse for not claiming enough exemptions to avoid a refund. (The correct answer is one for yourself and another one for yourself, not including tax effects from investments, interest, etc.) Anything less is financially stupid irresponsible. H&R Block knows this, which makes their new contest absurd self-promotion at the expense of the people they claim to serve.

The contest is called The Double Your Refund Instant Win Game. Its basic premise is that, as the lucky winner, you can “double the amount of your federal refund up to $10,000”. Reinforcing the idea that receiving a tax refund is wise goes against all logic. The people getting refunds are generally going to be lower income wage-earners with the least complicated tax returns. These are the people most in need of better advice to help them make their paychecks go further. Yes, it’s beneficial for a single mother with three kids to get a refund of $1,200 each spring, but how much more helpful would that $1,200 be in $100 monthly increments over the course of the previous year? This contest doesn’t encourage customers to rethink their lack of a financial strategy, but it also fails to encourage H&R Block to teach their customers about developing a financial strategy. (Disclosure: I have no knowledge of how H&R Block conducts their tax preparation services, so they might teach their customers. I doubt it, but they might. I’m not saying they’re evil, just that this is a bad promotion.)

There is also another angle of this promotion that H&R Block doesn’t highlight. The minimum prize is $1,000, which is much closer to what the winner will receive than the $10,000 figure mentioned in the contest. Here’s a simple example to explain why. If a worker has no investments and claims the standard deduction (assumptions I’m making for the average customer of a simple tax preparation service) on a salary of $75,000 per year, that worker will owe approximately $14,000 in federal taxes for the year. That does NOT include FICA and state/city taxes. To receive a $10,000 refund, the example taxpayer would have to pay the IRS $24,000 during the tax year. Over-hyping a promotion is nothing new, but it’s illogical to promote a contest with the underlying assumption that the taxpayer will pay 70% more in federal taxes than necessary. All it signifies to me is that H&R Block thinks its customers are stupid.

That is what I rant about every spring. I’ve converted some people to the truth, but I’m still working on everyone else. If anyone still wants to hang on to illogical reasons for receiving a tax refund, I’ll get over it. I’ll secretly bang my head on the wall, but I’ll get over it. Thus, my simple version of everything I’ve just written is this: receiving a tax refund is bad. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

No one cares that I upgraded Movable Type.

Danielle and I have to go to Whole Foods today to get a few essentials. This would be a non-issue if D.C. hadn’t received approximately 4 inches of snow yesterday. Being unaccustomed to snow, even though it snows EVERY FUCKING WINTER in D.C., the metro area is essentially shut down. The roads are packed with snow. The side streets aren’t close to being plowed. Indeed, area transportation officials indicated that it would be 36 hours before the major roads were back to functioning. (Holy crap!) So, except for the sidewalk behind our townhouse, which some nice fellow decided to clear with the snow blower at 12:30 AM this morning, snow is everywhere. And we need supplies.

Specifically, of course, I mean we need milk, bread, and toilet paper. Because Danielle and I are the crazy ones, we weren’t at the grocery store at 11:15 Friday night to stock up for the snow. We ignored Topper Shutt’s dire 6.5 (A SIX POINT FIVE, PEOPLE!) warning on the Bread-O-Meter and mocked the sane people who wisely stocked up. And now, Sunday morning, those people can laugh at us. I have been without milk for EIGHT LONG, CALCIUM-DEFICIENT YEARS. I will NOT survive one more day! This drinking water bullshit is not healthy. Not healthy at all. Why didn’t I listen? I’m an asshole. An asshole without toilet paper! Oh, the humanity!

Is it obvious that I’m reaching for an excuse to drive in the snow?

Is the Constitution just paper?

Following up on a previous topic about Alberto R. Gonzales, President Bush’s nominee for U.S. Attorney General, I found this from the editors of The Washington Post (the link is courtesy of Andrew Sullivan:

Mr. Gonzales stated for the record at his hearing that he opposes torture. Yet he made no effort to separate himself from legal judgments that narrowed torture’s definition so much as to authorize such methods as waterboarding for use by the CIA abroad. Despite the revision of a Justice Department memo on torture, he and the administration he represents continue to regard those practices as legal and continue to condone slightly milder abuse, such as prolonged sensory deprivation and the use of dogs, for Guantanamo. As Mr. Gonzales confirmed at his hearing, U.S. obligations under an anti-torture convention mean that the methods at Guantanamo must be allowable under the Fifth, Eighth and 14th amendments of the U.S. Constitution. According to the logic of the attorney general nominee, federal authorities could deprive American citizens of sleep, isolate them in cold cells while bombarding them with unpleasant noises and interrogate them 20 hours a day while the prisoners were naked and hooded, all without violating the Constitution. Senators who vote to ratify Mr. Gonzales’s nomination will bear the responsibility of ratifying such views as legitimate.

I agree. This issue isn’t going away, so we cannot continue to pretend that the torture of human beings is a minor issue (or worse, a non-issue because we assume it’s just a bunch of guilty foreigners.) The moment we condone the first evil actions, actions more evil and more pervasive will creep into our acceptance. We have already seen this and, until we erase it as Bush administration policy, we will all suffer the consequences. Is that the new vision of America we wish to embrace?

Just don’t eat french fries while looking suspicious

Interesting news today about the policing of America’s (worst) subway system:

Metro police officers are using new behavioral profiling techniques as they patrol subway stations, identifying suspicious riders and pulling them aside for questioning.

The officers are targeting people who avoid eye contact, loiter or appear to be looking around transit stations more than other passengers, officials said. Anyone identified as suspicious will be stopped and questioned about what they are doing and where they are going.

That’s wonderful. I’m prime suspect number one when using those rules. Avoid eye contact? Not just on the Metro, but in life in general, so check that one. Loiter? Me and everyone else riding the Metro, though that may have more to do with the frequency of trains than with personal intentions, but still, check that one. Appear to be looking around transit stations more than other passengers? I’m a people-watcher, though if you look back at me, I’ll stop. Remember the “avoid eye contact” from earlier? People are fascinating in how boring they can be during their daily commute. So I watch. And the Metro police officers check that one, too, when they’re looking at me.

Do you think the police will let me blog from jail the juvenile detention center?

D.C. should pay for my daily Metro fare

The Bush administration expects the District of Columbia to pay for security for President Bush’s inauguration next week. Consider:

OMB spokesman Chad Kolton said no additional appropriation is needed for the inauguration.

“We think that an appropriate balance of money from [the annual reimbursement] fund and from homeland security grants is the most effective way to cover the additional cost the city incurs,” Kolton said. “We recognize the city has a special burden to bear for many of these events. . . . That’s expressly why in the post-9/11 era we are providing additional resources.”

Allow me to pull out my Official Bush Administration Buzzword Checklist&#153. I see here that “homeland security” is on the list, “9/11” is on the list, and what’s this? Oh, good one, Mr. Kolton. You get triple, super-duper bonus points for “we are providing additional resources” in a situation in which you’re not providing additional resources.

To clarify the issue a little further, consider:

[Mayor Anthony A.] Williams estimated that the city’s costs for the inauguration will total $17.3 million, most of it related to security. City officials said they can use an unspent $5.4 million from an annual federal fund that reimburses the District for costs incurred because of its status as the capital. But that leaves $11.9 million not covered, they said.

“We want to make this the best possible event, but not at the expense of D.C. taxpayers and other homeland security priorities,” said Gregory M. McCarthy, the mayor’s deputy chief of staff. “This is the first time there hasn’t been a direct appropriation for the inauguration.”

But really, why should D.C. officials complain? They were going to waste the $11.9 million on “increasing hospital capacity, equipping firefighters with protective gear and building transit system command centers.” No one will miss those in an attack on The Homeland.

Surprisingly, my congressman has condemned the Bush administration. Consider:

A spokesman for Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.), chairman of the House Government Reform Committee, which oversees the District, agreed with the mayor’s stance. He called the Bush administration’s position “simply not acceptable.”

“It’s an unfunded mandate of the most odious kind. How can the District be asked to take funds from important homeland security projects to pay for this instead?” said Davis spokesman David Marin.

A good question indeed.

What’s next? Canceling Alias?

Dear ABC Sports:

Yes, I know that Miami is a good team, but when the Hokies can finish NO WORSE than ACC co-champions after this game, we do NOT have to go into Miami and “STEAL” the championship. That’s Miami’s task. Acknowledging that is unbiased journalism. You might consider practicing it.

Also, learn to pronounce the players’ names. And our university’s name is NOT pronounced as “Vah Tech”. It is shortened in writing as “Va Tech”, but it’s pronounced “VIRGINIA TECH”. When you spoke with the coaches and players, did anyone say Vah Tech? No. When you pronounce Va Tech as “Vah Tech” instead of “Virginia Tech”, you think you’re being witty but you’re just being ignorant. Stop being ignorant.

You can’t even keep the broadcast live because you’re experiencing technical difficulties. When was television invented? It’s 75 degrees and sunny in Miami today, so weather isn’t the issue. You should be ashamed.

At least I’m not having to listen to the stupid announcers.

Thank you Bite me,

Tony

Being a Fabin is not always easy

A few weeks ago, I enjoyed the wondrous occasion of Veteran’s Day. Since I work with, but not for, the federal government, I have to work that day if I want to get paid. However, the federal holiday is the most peaceful day to work because there are no distractions. And I get to wear whatever I want. It’s that rare day when I can chuck the tie and tie on the Chucks. I love it.

So, leading up to Veteran’s Day, everyone I work with got an e-mail proclaiming November 11th as “Casual Day”, which is better than “Business Casual Day”. When the 11th arrived, I wore casual; meaning, I wore jeans, a Virginia Tech t-shirt, a long-sleeved pullover t-shirt from Old Navy (my new favorite shirt), and my favorite shoes, the blessed maroon Chucks. (Someone must be happy right now that I have an actual Favorite Pair of Shoes&#153. I digress…)

Everyone else at work wore the standard DC yuppie uniform consisting of a black shirt, stylish jeans, and hip shoes. The other four guys I work with noticed the difference. Jason said that I would “fit in on any college campus in America.” I remarked on the “uniqueness” of their clothing before thanking him for the compliment. My brother (yes, I work with my brother… quaint, no?) rolled his eyes and shook his head, a vey common reaction to my style and interests.

I don’t do stylish because I don’t care. I like what I like and that’s fine. If I catch a trend or fad, that’s a bonus that means nothing to me. If I still like it when the trend or fad is gone, I’m going to continue wearing it because I never realize that the fad is over. I’m not cool because I’m dense to shifting trends. Ain’t that just the shittiest luck?

Last weekend, I caught a lucky break. In the new issue of Details (December 2004), Whitney McNally wrote a helpful fashion article in the dossier / style section (Pages 88-90) titled “It’s Time to Chuck the Chucks”. Now I know ahead of time that I’m behind the times again. Please wait while I take a moment to cry… sniff, sniff…

After wiping away the salty bitterness, I wondered what a square 31-year-old male could do to catch up. I read the article. So that you may be style-educated, consider this useful explanation:

“It’s the same thing as the punk movement,” says Jim Merlis, former publicist for the Strokes. “Everyone wants to dress differently, and they wind up looking exactly alike. I walk down the street and I always think I’m spotting Albert or Fabrizio. And I worked with them.” Merlis himself started wearing the sneakers in the spring of 1990 but recently untied his Chucks because of their ubiquity. He’s moved on. To Puma.

After I invested all that money in Chucks, I need to toss them out and buy some Pumas? How did I miss this? And fuck, I don’t even know who Albert and Fabrizio are. I need some remedial coolness help. Now! I continued reading, only to discover that Whitney must be a superhero with a cape, because the answer is in the article. Can you believe that, the kindness of a stranger stepping in to save me from making an ass of myself? Telling me that the trend is over and then explaining what to do about it? You rule, Whitney McNally! God bless Details.

So that you may know, I present THIS:

“Having endured the saturation of trucker hats and vintage rocker tees, we all know where that ends up. “How edgy are they when you see them on 10 guys on the train?” asks Michael Bastian, men’s fashion director at Bergdorf Goodman, who approves of Converse only if they’re worn with chinos in a preppy-casual way – preferably on an island, far away. And as [Ermenegildo Zegna fashion director Djordje] Stefanovic reminds us, it’s the accessories that make the man. Which means that unless you can dress them up with Drew Barrymore and a mike, lose the Chucks.

If only I had Drew Barrymore’s phone number and a bit of musical talent, I could continue wearing my Chucks. Alas, I’m screwed. Whitney makes it very clear with this sentence:

In short, Converse are fine for guys who think ramen noodles are cuisine – but they’re not for grown-ups anymore.

Wait a second… Really? Really? No, you’re kidding me? There’s a loophole in the death of the trend? Holy crap, I feel like I’ve won the lottery and I didn’t have to buy a ticket. I get an exemption because I’m not a grown-up. I’m really just a 12-year-old girl.

Cowboy Cookies are better than Best Buy cookies

Dear Best Buy:

Your website is a disaster.

First, you require that I have cookies enabled to view any link on your weekly ad. Ignore that this will open my computer to any and all malicious attackers on the internet, this is excellent policy.

Next, when I load the weekly ad, on the rare occasions when the images load, they load the first half before stopping. I appreciate this because graphics are overrated.

Next, when the image on a page of the weekly ad fails to load, I must restart my browser. Even though clicking refresh would be easier, I appreciate that you’re looking out for the physical health of my fingers by requiring them to get that little extra exercise.

Finally, you bury the “Contact Us” link deep within the site map, leaving it off the front page. I can only assume you chose to do that because you needed the extra space for the essential “Conditions of Use” link, which is good because I don’t know how to use a webpage. This is helpful because my investigative skills were a little rusty, so having to dig around to find the link helped rejuvenate my mind.

Keep it up and I might start hiding my money in my wallet rather than handing it over to one of your wonderfully distracted cashiers. Of course, that would save the mouth-breathers the effort of putting the coins on top of the dollar bills, which I would miss. Because, you know, I really like having to juggle my change. It’s no fun if I don’t have the danger of dropping it all over the floor.

Thanks,
Tony

I flip-flop… Here’s another entry about the election.

I’m breaking my promise not to write any more about the election than yesterday’s post. But there’s a good reason and it doesn’t include denouncing President Bush, not directly anyway. Allow me to explain my deep despair from yesterday and why, even when that despair dissipates, the fragile peace in my mind will still force me to never let up in defending my principles.

The Karl Rove impact on America is my issue. I’m not concerned that a majority of Americans differed from my view of President Bush as a war president or his impact on the financial health of our nation; majority will is the nature of a democracy. The minority within the majority is what concerns me. It’s the “We drank the Kool-Aid, it was really good, you must have some” crowd of the Republican Party who seem to have missed the point of freedom and democracy and decency. That small group of people makes me fret for the immediate future of our great country and the ideals we claim to hold dear. The belief that a heterogeneous society is not only what sets us apart, it’s what makes us so great.

But some among us don’t believe this. They wrap themselves in the flag and pretend that only they are the defenders of the real America. They’re the true patriots, they tell us. If we don’t like it, get the hell out. While others who didn’t vote for Kerry are proclaiming that they’re ready to move to Canada or the U.K., I’m not one of them. This wave of hysteria will pass, but only if someone defends the truth. I will play my small part in that over the next four years and beyond.

I give that introduction to lead into my primary anger at the election. I’m concerned because of the eleven state constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage that passed. Marriage is a right traditionally reserved for the states, so a state’s citizens passing such an amendment is within their rights, regardless of how ridiculous and discriminatory I may find it. The citizens acted. Now same-sex couples (and singles and traditional couples and singles) know where the state’s citizens stand. They can stay and fight, stay and not fight, or move. As a tourist, I can choose not to visit the states that passed such amendments. All of that is democracy in action.

But that isn’t the whole story, is it? The argument over same-sex marriage (and homosexuality) has extended beyond ridiculous and discriminatory and slipped into hatred. Whatever causes that hatred is interesting but irrelevant. I’m ashamed at my country when I think that this is what people believe and vote into reality.

Here are two examples from e-mails received by Andrew Sullivan about the election illustrate the underbelly of Tuesday’s election. These quotes are the gist of what is wrong with how far today’s Republican Party has strayed from the core of Conservatism and how fanaticism has taken over America. Consider:

“I wonder if you noticed that yesterday all eleven states that considered the question of gay marriage voted to ban it. ALL ELEVEN. I think this sends a very clear message — true Americans do not like your kind of homosexual deviants in our country, and we will not tolerate your radical pro-gay agenda trying to force our children to adopt your homosexual lifestyle. You should be EXTREMELY GRATEFUL that we even let you write a very public and influential blog, instead of suppressing your treasonous views (as I would prefer). But I’m sure someone like yourself would consider me just an “extremist” that you don’t need to worry about. Well you are wrong — I’m not just an extremist, I am a real American, and you should be worried because eleven states yesterday proved that there are millions more just like me who will not let you impose your radical agenda on our country.”

And…

“I’ll tell you, being a 16 year-old gay kid in Michigan just got a hell of a lot worse. When I woke up this morning and saw the anti gay marriage proposal had passed, I was shocked. I realized the situation I’m faced with everyday in school – the American people have just shown my classmates that it’s perfectly fine to discriminate. A direct quote from a ‘friend’ at school today: ‘It’s so cool that all these states just told all the faggots to eat shit and get the hell out…’ Because of the above events, I am at a crossroads … I’m the youngest card-carrying Republican in the county, and am constantly asked to get others involved for Bush/Cheney. Herein lies a problem, I can’t bring myself to do that. Bush totally lost all my support (I know I can’t vote – but I make a hell of a campaigner) when he supported the amendment to ban gay marriages, and I felt bad that in straying from Bush, I was abandoning Cheney, who I have an amazing amount of respect for. Many would say go Democrat… but I can’t do that (that signals the absence of a spine up here), and in the next year, I’m considering dropping my membership to the party. Especially this year, despite how undercut and violated I feel as a gay person, I couldn’t be happier that I am. I’ve got a stronger will because of it, and will lead my life just as strongly.”

Contrary to what some people believe, hatred is not a family value. We’re all in this mess together. Until we accept that, not only does legitimate debate and intellectual curiosity fade away, we increase the divide between those in power and those in the minority. Intentionally creating (or refusing to work to reduce) that gap has never led to anything good. Remember the immortal words of Ximinez, from Monty Python’s Flying Circus:

“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms – Oh damn! (To Cardinal Biggles) I can’t say it – you’ll have to say it.”

That’s the America I see right now. I don’t like it.

For the next four years and beyond…

We’re fucked.

That’s only my opinion, but I can’t deny my sadness at the inevitable reduction of civil liberties over the next four years. Or my desperation at the thought of this president believing that he has a mandate from the people to continue to pursue his policies of fiscal destruction. Or my sense of shame for my country at the effectiveness of his despicable campaign of fear and smear. Or my nervousness about the consequences of this president believing that his inflexible tactics in the necessary war on terror were legitimized by the American people. Or, finally, my expectation that the ramifications of this president’s hubris and unquestioned mission from God now that he has free reign and a sycophant Congress will be felt by the next generation and beyond.

It’s easy to dismiss the ranting of someone when you disagree with their opinion, but that doesn’t change the truth. A re-elected president who believes that freedom is based on his judgment commandment from God is destroying the ideals that I hold most dear as an American. But he’s not stopping with me. Now that he’s learned how effectively fear works over the American psyche, we can expect nothing less going forward. What I hold dear was attacked first when the president halted the notion of free speech and backed an amendment that would add discrimination (not to mention Christian theology) into our secular government’s most important document. As angry as I am about that, I’m not alone. He hit my ideals first, but he’s coming for everyone else next. History has shown that, but we haven’t learned. The collective wisdom of Americans failed yesterday and we’ll all pay the consequences.

There’s more nuance to it than that, I know, but I don’t have faith in nuance this morning. One day we’re going to wake up from this collective nightmare. Many of us will have great difficulty in accepting what we’ve allowed to happen, but that day is far in the future. The Conservative values of small, limited government, freedom from the control of that small, limited government, and the belief that open debate and information are dead in America. No one seems poised to revive them. Unfortunately, for now, we must all live with the consequences.

I feel like I’m living the worst movie I’ve ever seen, only that movie is 70,082 hours long and I’m stuck in the theater with the realization that the exits are locked. I hope I’m wrong, but this president has given me no reason to believe in him. Like I said, I think we’re fucked.